The Thinklings group loved the final Hobbit film and all
agreed it was great entertainment, but there were some aspects of it that got
our goat. So, following our discussion yesterday of BotFA, here is a list of the
things we didn’t like about the film (to be followed shortly by 10 things we
did like, because it is important to stay positive in life, right?)
1. Loose ends
Whilst efforts were made to tie together the events of The
Hobbit with those of The Lord of the Rings (including a hurried exchange
between Thranduil and Legolas about seeking out Aragorn - not sure about this either, as it happens), less efforts were made to
tie up loose ends after the battle. What happened to Dain, his battle-pig and his remaining
army, for example? In RotK we got to see the conclusion of the Battle of Pelinnor,
with the Army of the Dead sweeping in to destroy the remaining enemy hoards. We
got to see the aftermath, too, with Pippin walking among the dead to find Merry.
It seemed to us that the Battle of the Five Armies just kind of fizzled out,
ending not with a bang but a whimper.
2. Alfrid’s misogyny
Alfrid makes some startling misogynist remarks/gestures in
the movie. Unfortunately, our collective memory cannot remember them all, but we do know that Alfrid
chucking a huge pile of logs at an old lady is among them. The writers have
taken a sledge-hammer to the issue of gender in the Hobbit trilogy and Alfrid’s
loathing of women is unwelcome and jarring. And then the cringey moment the
women rise up to fight and Alfrid is seen running away in a dress with fake
breasts made of treasure. Funny, but like I said: sledge-hammer.
3. Alfrid’s seeing the
elven army
Yes, Alfrid makes our list twice. The group likes Alfrid and his relationship with the Master of Laketown; he is amusing,
disgusting and well-potrayed by the actor Ryan Gage. But we’re seeing him now as a
lesser version of LotR’s Wormtongue. Like Wormtongue, Alfrid is repellent, conniving, and
clearly struggles with the opposite sex, but he's just not as conceptually sophisticated. The contrast between Wormtongue and Alfrid is best
illustrated by their encounters with vast armies; Alfrid’s waking up to find a
huge Elven host was a silly, less impressive version of the extraordinary
moment Wormtongue steps out onto an Isengard balcony to view the ten-thousand
strong Urak-hai army gathered below. The scene in BotFA was meant to be
amusing, and it was; but the writers here have, we think, chosen amusement over grandeur, spectacle
and poignancy.
4. Tauriel weeping over
Kili
*Shudder*. This was one of our least favourite moments in the film. How
long has Tauriel known Kili? Wouldn’t it have been far more moving to have one
of the dwarven company mourn Kili's loss than an elf he has known mere days? The
Tauriel-Kili relationship has been sweet, but rather awkward and unpersuasive
throughout. The dialogue between Tauriel and Thranduil was not good quality either; a
simple, sustained look of grief and understanding would have been better than the old 'is this what love feels like? Then why does it hurt so much?'
5. The were-worms
Where did they go? What did they do? An exciting but brief
cameo that begged further development. These are, after all, creatures we have
not been acquainted with before and trolls are so last year (I'm kind of
joking – trolls are cool).
6. Opening with Smaug
This is a tricky one. It must have been hard for the film-makers
to decide where to end DoS and begin BotFA and Peter Jackson has explained his
reasons clearly in interviews – why not, he says, end on a cliff-hanger and open with a grand action
sequence? But we feel that DoS would have been better served if it had ended
with Smaug’s death. PJ could have dropped the mad dwarf-dragon chase around
Erebor and focused on the killing of Smaug; it would have made a more satisfying
end. Instead, Smaug is finished off so quickly in BotFA it is almost comical. It felt something like: well, that’s the end of that, now let’s get on with the rest of the show.
DoS could have ended with what is ultimately the reason for BotFA: Thorin
crowing over the gold that is now his, all his.
7. The journey to
Gundabad
This, we felt, was pointless. We agree Michael
C. Drout when he says that in the film ‘physically, Middle-earth seems to be
not a continent, but a theme park, the size of Disney World, or maybe, if we're
generous, Rhode Island. Legolas and Tauriel make a (completely useless) journey
to Mt Gundabad, about 300 miles from Erebor, in what seems like, maybe, a half
hour of traveling.’ We
also felt Legolas’s story about his mother’s death and its delivery was somewhat
weak. Which leads us to…
8. Legolas
He’s just not the same. We know Orlando Bloom has aged ten
years and that can’t be helped, but…Well, we can’t quite put our finger on it,
but something is wrong. He looks
almost CGI, his eyes too bright and staring. And he appears stockier, less
elegant, when stood next to Daddy Elf, Thranduil. We’d also like him to show
more obeisance to said Daddy, even if said Daddy is a bit of an arse – Thranduil
is very powerful and commands obedience, if not respect. Legolas’s fight scenes
are great, but one of them in particular is going way to far, which leads us to…
9. Legolas climbing up
the crumbling stairs
Come on. We
bought the stair-surfing, horse-mounting, the oliphaunt-riding, and we just
about bought the barrel-hopping, but climbing from one falling to rock to
another and another? It defies physics and is just silly.
10. Killing the elk
Killing the elk (I’ve been told it’s a she and has a name –
Sheila? Daisy? Can’t remember) is like J. K. Rowling killing Dobby: not very
nice. Ok, we don’t mind that much, and
the whole scene was actually really great, but poor Thranduil. Could we not
have at least seen him mourn the poor beast’s death?
