The Battle of Five Armies: Counting the Jewels

A humorous contribution from the group’s very own Tolkien encyclopaedia, Anna Milon, this week. Take it away, Anna!

Seven objects/props/creatures in BotFA that made me squeal with joy and three that absolutely annoyed me.

Good things:

1. Bilbo's acorn

A beautifully acted emotional scene is made complete with this simple symbol embodying everything to do with hobbits, but also harkening back to Thorin’s given name ‘Oakenshield’. Anticipate large numbers of fans in forests near you collecting these wonderful nuts.

2. The gold bell

Dramatic and yes, cast in pure gold, this bell makes an appearance at the start of the film, lying dejectedly on its side by the entrance to Erebor. Later the dwarven company uses it to breach the barricade, their desperate charge to help Dain accompanied by the mournful knell. It is a good foreshadowing device, although I wonder how they managed to lift it from the floor in so short a time.

3. Light of Earendil

I would not object to owning a vial of water that makes me go green and command demi-gods. 

4. Alfred's corset

Suits him.

5. The were-worms

For the sake of the poor creatures, whom nobody remembers to have been in the canon. Bilbo mentions them in ‘An Unexpected Party’.

6. Bilbo's handkerchief

Seeing them at the very end of the journey just hurt, but it was a wonderful cathartic roundup of the adventure.

7. The elk

The top place in this list must go to Thranduil’s steed, whom some fans dubbed Echo. The creature takes a rightful place next to Sebastian the Hedgehog, Boris the War-boar, Beorn the Under-portrayed Bear and the Eagles. Beautiful and clearly battle-scarred, Echo falls victim to violence, steadfastly protecting her master. And she is a deer! Deer are awesome, steeped in mythological and literary connections to fey magic, innocence, transcendence and duality of pagan deities! Let’s hope we see more of her in the extended edition.

Bad things:

1. Thranduil's cape

Made of something akin to brocade, topped with plate-armour shoulder guards with feather-like scales coming out of them, this is not something you can fight in, be you an elven king or not, especially considering Thranduil’s physics-defying move, when he falls from his Elk.

2. Pure starlight

Is it me or are ‘the white gems of Lasgalen’ a tasteless piece of bling straight out of Moulin Rouge?

3. The horizontal tower

No construction has structural integrity to maintain that kind of position. None!